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TIL I was the bad date for 6 months straight because I treated every dinner like a job interview
I went on maybe 14 first dates in a row last year and could not figure out why I never got a second one. After the last one, a woman I actually liked, she texted me the next day and said it felt like I was running through a checklist instead of talking to her. That hit hard, so I went back and read my own texts from the previous months. Every message was a question about her job, her plans, her goals, like I was screening a tenant for a rental. I never once talked about anything dumb or fun, never told a story just because it was funny. The tipping point was when she asked what I do for fun and I froze for a second, because I honestly had not thought about that in months. So now I go into dates with one rule, no more than two questions in the first 20 minutes. Has anyone else caught themselves doing this and actually fixed it, or am I the only one who turned dating into a performance review?
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murphy.blair17d ago
The checklist thing is real and it sneaks up on you. I did the same shit after my divorce, every date felt like I was trying to figure out if she passed some test I made up in my head. What helped me was having like 3 go to stories ready, dumb stuff from my week or some mess I got into with my buddies, so when my brain went blank I had something to say that wasnt a question. Two questions in 20 minutes is a solid rule but you also gotta have something to fill the space with or you'll just sit there awkward and that's worse.
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