That friend of a friend setup went way off the rails last weekend...

So my buddy set me up with his wife's coworker, and we agreed to meet at this brewpub downtown around 7. I get there early, grab a table, and then she shows up 25 minutes late with no apology... just a quick "traffic was bad." Then she spent the first 15 minutes on her phone texting someone, and when I tried to ask about her job she just gave one word answers. I remembered a trick I read about asking open ended "what surprised you" questions instead of "how was your day" stuff... so I tried it and suddenly she wouldn't stop talking about her cat's surgery for like 20 minutes straight. I think I made it worse honestly. Has anyone else had that "trick" backfire?

3 comments

3 Comments

barbaraw471mo ago

She was probably looking for an excuse to vent, not a cute convo trick. Sometimes people just want to talk about themselves and you just gotta let them.

miamitchell1mo ago

I see what you're saying @barbaraw47, but I kinda disagree. Calling it "just venting" feels like letting people off the hook for bad behavior. If someone uses a vent sesh to basically dump all their stuff on you without asking if you have the energy for it, that's not fair either. There's a difference between needing to talk and treating your friend like a diary you can open whenever. Venting is fine if you check in first and don't make it a one-way street every single time. Otherwise it just feels draining and selfish after a while.

rileynelson1mo ago

Wait, you're seriously fine with someone just dumping all their problems on you without even asking first?